AuDHD, a term combining autism and ADHD, refers to individuals who exhibit traits of both conditions. For those socialized as women, who are often diagnosed later in life, typically in their 30s, auDHD can present uniquely. These individuals often learn to mask their symptoms, making it challenging to identify earlier. They might experience chronic exhaustion from constant self-monitoring, struggle with executive functioning tasks like organization and time management, and have sensory sensitivities. Social interactions can be particularly taxing, leading to social anxiety and difficulty maintaining relationships. Late diagnosis can bring both relief and challenges, providing an explanation for lifelong struggles while requiring significant adjustments in understanding and managing neurodivergent traits.
Most of my life, I knew I was different. I grew up in a privileged environment, but it often felt like a gilded cage. Despite traveling and moving around the world, I always sensed something was off. Diagnosed with ADHD in 2023 and autism and CPTSD in 2024, I had self-diagnosed all three in 2020 after discovering content discussing how autism manifests in those raised as women. Initially, adopting these labels felt fake, like I was an imposter who would be shunned for diagnosing myself without a doctor. Historically, the medical system rarely took me seriously, often attributing my ailments to my weight. Learning about medical gaslighting was eye-opening.
But back to how auDHD manifests in my daily life. My circadian rhythms are off; I feel most creative from 7 PM to 1 AM and sleepy from 2 AM to 10 AM. Mornings aren’t for me. I wake up around 10 AM and spend a couple of hours responding to social media comments before I can truly function. My eating habits are irregular due to Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), an eating disorder characterized by an intense aversion to certain foods, leading to a limited and nutritionally inadequate diet. This condition causes me to often miss hunger cues until I’m starving, making meal times unpredictable and challenging.
Managing auDHD is difficult, but I’ve developed strategies over the past four years. I’ve experienced a regression in skills, relationships, and masking ability. Dropping the mask has made it hard to put it back on. I now allow myself to do what feels right, despite a lifetime of being told my feelings were wrong or exaggerated. Balancing the impulsivity of ADHD with the rigidity of autism means constantly navigating between craving novelty and needing routine. Persistent Demand Avoidance often paralyzes me when faced with perceived demands, even those I set for myself. So, I follow impulses and mix in responsibilities.
For example, I no longer feel bad about not tidying up immediately. If there are crumbs on my counter, they stay until my brain lets me clean them. This approach helps mitigate guilt and shame. I batch cook when I get groceries and no longer feel bad for ordering ready meals. My goal is to nourish my body as easily as possible. I make a big shredded vegetable salad and always have ingredients for soup, using a soup maker that requires minimal effort. An air fryer helps too, as it turns off automatically, preventing food waste or fire hazards if I lose focus.
Being auDHD affects every aspect of my life. I can’t work normal hours due to fluctuating energy and productivity levels. Some weeks, I have to work from bed because of extreme exhaustion. Traditional jobs can’t accommodate this variability. In my personal life, it affects relationships. Masking feels necessary for acceptance, but it leads to being misunderstood or labeled as combative, blunt, or overbearing. Despite my efforts, I am often perceived differently from who I truly am.
While I don’t have many resources, TikTok has helped me feel less alone. Seeing others share similar experiences was groundbreaking. Being auDHD can be isolating, but social media has connected me with relatable individuals. I also have a few good friends who might share similar neurodivergent traits. My main takeaway is to be kind to yourself. Being mean hasn’t “fixed” you, so why continue that pattern?